guilt with food

[trishthedish]

first off i am, YAY!!!!!! i am so happy about our new forum. i know i am a food addict and have been using the weigh and measure three meals method, but have not attended meetings or got a sponser.... im on my own. i dont feel like i am ready to go to meetings (and i dont know why.) anyway, i wanted some input from you guys. i asked this question in my tough love group, but i am really anxious to hear your responses..... here it goes...

i am feeling alot of guilt for enjoying any food. i plan my meals the night before, am totally following the atkins approach and do not consume in ANYTHING sweet (no splenda or syrups or anything). the past few weeks i have been noticing that i am VERY satisfied and actually look forward to 2 menu items, natural PB(no splenda) on celery and fried eggplant (LC and weighed out). i really enjoy these items and that causes guilt, so i have been limitting the amount of days i allow myself to eat this. am i right to limit these enjoyable foods because i enjoy them, or am i swinging to far in the extreme direction by causing feelings of guilt over weighed and measured LC foods? do you seem to have foods you could literally eat everyday? do you eat them alot? i would really appreciate some guidance on this one.
thanks for any help you have,
tricia

[ForYouRosie]

I worry about you depriving yourself. Why shouldn't you enjoy the way your food tastes? That's a natural function. I know from my own experiences, I would interpret that as feeling like I didn't deserve to enjoy it.

You have conquered the portion control which is the big thing. If you are eating because you are hungry and you enjoy it and stop when you are full, then I don't think you should worry about it.

The danger is in using food as an emotional crutch or to avoid other feelings. I don't think you should use it as an emotional baseball bat to beat yourself with though either.

I think we all need to work at taking the emotion out of food, both good and bad.

[LowCarbLisa]

So happy we have a new hang out!

Trish, I can relate to your post on several levels. The meetings thing, for one....the planning, the abstaining...the guilt!
As Rosie said, you seem to have things pretty much under control with your portions, so if you can stop at a stalkful of peanut butter, then I say, heck! enjoy it for all its worth!

I'm certainly not there yet as I loooooove to eat until the yummy food is "all gone"....
I think I developed a mindset as a teenager that a diet had to be a barren strict regime and test of my very character and strength of will....made me into a cuilinary martyr....

I mean, I was VEGAN for three years, and at one point was also not eating any wheat because I'd just learned about celiacs and decided I was one too.

I am currently eating all protein on the three day Kimmer plan, and I intend to stick to this until I get down to 130.
This past month I feel like all I've done is waste time with overeating setbacks from endulging in low carb ice cream, bars, low carb tortillas, cheese, sour cream and mayonnaise.
I've regained and lost the same five pounds like four or five times, its just ridiculous. Time to come clean and get lean!

Sometimes I dont think I'll ever be able to accept the fact that certain foods arent "bad" or "forbidden" and not feel guilty eating them....

[Cryssi]

Trish-
I am not sure if the meetings you are referring to are Overeaters Anonymous meetings or not but if they are then you should try and go. I started going to OA meetings with my step-dad when I was about 14 (I am 24 now). I haven't been to any in awhile, but let me tell you, from my experience, the people at these meetings are as caring, accepting and supportive as the people on this BB. I dont have any of the friends I used to have when I was 14 EXCEPT the people I knew in OA. So when you're ready and if this was what you are referring to, give them a try...they don't bite, I promise!

[MaryMary]

Hi Trish

My first exposure with a 12 step program was 25 years ago. I went, got the diet, didn't get a sponsor, and after a year of meetings thought I could do this on my own.

Ten years later, I was back at OA, 100 lbs heavier, got a sponsor, followed her food plan, went to the meetings for a few years, worked the steps a little, and lost most of my weight.

One day I took a bit of a round greasy thing and was off and running. Got my weight up to 376 lbs., was on all kinds of medications, wanted to die, and knew I would die if I didn't do something. Started to look into WLS. They said I had to lose 15 lbs to be considered. That's when a fellow worker introduced me to Atkins. My motto was I will stick with it until it doesn't work anymore. After losing 111 lbs, this fall I realized I was eating my low carb food compulsively when I gained back 5 lbs. and recognized it was time to go back into a 12 step program that supports recovery from compulsive eating. Today I have a sponsor through GreySheeter's Anonymous, use the GSA food plan, am working the steps, attend phone bridge meetings through GSA and on occasion attend OA and AA meetings.

In other words, time is infinite. Just do what you can do today. It can't hurt to look into what a sponsor might have to offer you, and what meetings might have to offer you. GSA has phone meetings that you can call into and remain totally anonymous. If you don't want them to know you are there, you just listen. There are people from all over the world. The one thing we all have in common is that we write our food down, call it into a sponsor, weigh and measure 3 meals a day, don't overeat no matter what, snacks are just water, tea, coffee, diet soda. Abstinence is the most important gift we give ourself each day with the help of our Higher Power. We work the 12 steps according to our ability one day at a time.

For me weighing and measuring the 3 meals a day really helps put boundaries around my food, gives me a foundation from which to work. I don't think about food all day because I already know what I am going to have. I write it down in a notebook the night before and call it into my sponsor. That is a sort of symbolic surrender. I know I need this for me today. The sponsor is not God, but a great gift. I don't feel guilty around food today. What I write down and turn over is mine to eat, enjoy and celebrate. All the other food out there that day is not mine. So to keep me honest, I just eat what I committed to.

Hope this helps.

[trishthedish]

thank you for the responses. i did get as far as calling to find out where the local OA meetings are held and on which days. i have been writing down my food choices the night before and i agree with you mary, it helps free my mind. my main problem at the moment is wanting to eat the same things everyday. i'm not sure if its considered a 'healthy' mindset to do so. i know i should go to these meetings.... i think i will make that a priority next week (meetings were on tuesdays). im at a point where i have commited to 3 meals a day and if i were to do as much as lick a spoon while not sitting down to my meal, i would consider it a 'cheat'. worse then cheating.... it would be letting myself down. the portions are VERY in control, but i worry if i am making them too small at times. if i go to OA, do they provide you with the measurements that are considered healthy? i have just been winging it.

thanks again for the responses. its giving me the nudge i think i needed to take the 'recovery' to the next level.

[MaryMary]

Hi Trish,

I got my food plan from my sponsor at GreySheeter's Anonymous. In the literature at the 12-step meetings, they tell you to find someone who has what you want and ask them how it was achieved. If there are no ongoing health issues, many times a person follows the food plan of their sponsor. In OA, many people are on many different food plans because OA does not endorse any specific way of eating. But in our area, many people are on the 301. The specific foods might vary a little depending on which food plan your sponsor was on. I decided on the GreySheeters Anonymous because their food plan most closely resembled a low carb plan that is under 20% Total Carbs and everyone eats the same plan. I feel like I eat like a queen. If you would like to listen in on a phone bridge meeting, send me a PM and I will send you the phone number. These phone meetings occur about 4 times a day.

It is suggested that you attend (listen to) six different meetings to get a feel for the variety. There is also a yahoogroup called greynet that gives support as well.