Abstinent and Grateful!

[divinem]

I'd just like to be the first addict on this new forum (thank you, Admins!) to say that I am abstinent to from compulsive overeating without exception!

I am sober for 17 years.
Smoke-free for 4 years.
Soon-to-be canonized!



NMW,
Melissa

[MaladroitKat]

You go girl!

[divinem]

Originally posted by MaladroitKat

Actually, that's what I do each night with my HP.

[MaryMary]

You are an inspiration, divinem.

I am abstinent and grateful too. It goes one day at a time with 7 days of back to back abstinence. I am still learning to define my Higher Power.

I am smoke/nicotine free for nearly 30 years.

I am excited about this forum. Can't wait to see what evolves.

I think I tried to fit too much into my weekend and ended up with a stress headache that evolved into a migraine today. I have been trying to manage these headaches and have been tracking them. I was 39 days migraine headache free until today. I think I might not have had enough water to drink this weekend and was a little dehydrated. I have to make sure I make time for the water as a part of taking care of myself.

[maybell]

Hi everyone,
Mary led me to this forum so I will be checking in time to time if that's okay. I would like to learn from the more experienced people and the newbies about being in charge of food.

divenem, are you 17 years sober from food issues? If so congratulations! I am so impressed.

[trishthedish]

hello everyone... i am a food addict in the purest form. i have been dealing with all the emotional issues that come along with dropping the drug of choice (i.e. actually DEALING with my feelings instead of burying them). i am feeling alot of freedom and personal growth through this journey.

food has only ever been my drug of choice, no nicotine or alcohol issues here.
its been one day at a time since feb 18. i have strong days and weaker days, but i feel grateful to be able to make the correct choices regardless of my daily mood fluctuations.

i am looking forward to learning alot on this BB. i have alot of questions about what is considered 'normal' thoughts and patterns for addicts... or if normal is even a word i should use.

here's to the start of something new and helpful!!

tricia

[LowCarbLisa]

DivineM.
Your avatar pic reminds me of Yoanna, the winner of the last America's Top Model competition.
Good for you for taking accountability for yourself as well as you've done. You are indeed an inspiration!
I quit smoking March 2002......Havent quit drinking, but now only have occasional "celebrations" that are planned well in advance....
no sex in 1000+ days (abstinent, yes - but I dont know how grateful i am about that one! )
I would have been abstinent from OE since only yesterday, but I blew that when I ate 18 tablespoons of Carb Options Hickory BBQ sauce. (Not that there is any way to explain such behavior, but it was literally the only thing to eat in the house and I got hungry.....I also wanted to get rid of it to start the 3 day all protein fast, anyway).

MaryMary.
My mother suffers from migraines and I can feel your pain~
I too am still working on the HP thing, which is one reason why I think I havent been able to make any progress with recovery, since its only the second step....then again, who knows - maybe I like "being broken" because its what I'm used to since it seems like its all I've ever known.

Trishthedish.
Wow, you sound really healthy. Hopefully you can teach me a thing or two on becoming 'normal' too....you certainly sound like you are on the right track.
Also, can I just say that from your avatar you dont even look like you need to lose any weight at all!!!! You look tiny!
Meanwhile I am cursed with my big moonface where I can walk around with my chest bones popping out and still have a double chin and look like I weigh WAY more than I do!!! ARgh!

[divinem]

Hi, Maybell-
No, I'm actually ~2.5 years free from compulsive eating. I relapsed back in 2000-2001 after a long period of abstinence, but I'm back in recovery again. Thanks, HP! Ask away. This is just a casual forum for addicts who happen to be members of LCF.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to MaryMary for asking Admin to give us this board. What a great idea!

Sorry to hear of your headache but am glad you're feeling better and the meds worked. 39 days is a pretty good stretch for being headache free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi to Trish! Food has always been my primary source of comfort. Started with the crazy eating/behavior very early on. But I decided to expand my "horizons" in my teens after I was forced to try drugs.

Recovery from food addiction is different, I think. I equate it with having to get "The Beast" out of the cage 3x/day. For me, it has to be on a chain (weighed and measured) because I've lost my ability to eat like a normal person. I don't know when, exactly, I crossed the line into full-blown addiction. I do know I was very young, however.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SN-
Are you a member of SAA? I have a friend in LA who is a recovering member. I know you don't feel gratitude right now, but it will come in time as long as you keep working the program (assuming you're following one).

Thanks for the compliment! I dug up a pic of Yoanna -- WOW! Wish I had that body!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, I just wanted to wave back to everyone and say hi today. I'm FINALLY finished with the 03/04 academic year. Twelve hours of sleep has done great things for my disposition.

Abstinent and grateful, just for today, I don't (over)eat no matter what!

M

[MaryMary]

Hi all -
It's been a few days since I checked back. My name is Mary and I am a compulsive overeater. I write my meals down on paper, call them into my sponsor, and weigh & measure 3 meals a day off the Cambridge Greysheet. Abstinence along with my HP are the most important parts of my life today.

The week has been going pretty well. Food is in its place and I don't think about it much except if I wait too long between meals. If I wait six hours, I am usually famished and have to cook quickly. Yesterday, I had a head stroke type headache along with it and it was hard but not impossible. I survived and today is a new day.

I have been trying to pray each day which is still a bit of a challenge for me. The only prayer I can muster is "Not my will but Thine be done." It is short enough that I can remember it and it says it all.

I find myself making amends more quickly if I consciously hurt someone's feelings, so as to not have to add them to my 4th step. I am catching myself trying not to have resentful and selfish thoughts about others because my Healing Process says these thoughts are not good for me.

That's about as much as I could muster this week. Hope you all had a good one too.

[maybell]

Hi all,
I'm curious if anyone who is abstinent had a "defining moment" that made them step up to the plate (or away from it) and really decide to work a program with food addicton. What did it take for those of you who are 12 stepping to start this process?
I'm hoping to glean some wisdom from hearing others stories if I may. I sense that working with a higher power and following the steps are the way to freedom from compulsive behaviors of any kind.

Does anyone go to meetings online?


Thanks, Maybell

[MaryMary]

maybell - The first time I heard about a 12 step program was a TV commercial over 25 years ago. I made the phone call and went to a meeting. Back then all we had were face to face meetings, no online or phone bridge meetings.

The advertisement on TV asked the following questions,
--Do you eat when you're not hungry?
--Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?
--Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating or fasting or vomiting or laxative use?
--Do you give too much time and thought to food?
--Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?
--Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?
--Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?
--Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?
--Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
--Do you resent others telling you to "use a little willpower" to stop overeating?
--Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet "on your own" whenever you wish?
--Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?
--Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?
--Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?
--Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?

Have you answered "yes" to three or more of these questions? If so, it is likely that you have, or are well on your way to have, a compulsive overeating or anorexic or bulemic condition.


After nearly 3 years of Atkins and losing over 100 lbs, I began eating my low carb food compulsively and eventually got back into the brown sweet stuff, which led to a 5 lb gain. I recognized that I was eating compulsively in Dec 2003 and sought out a sponsor in GSA. I attend both the GSA phone meetings and OA live meetings, as well as AA Big Book Step Study meetings.

There is literature that explains compulsive overeating that I picked up at AA, GSA or OA meetings. I personally am not an alcoholic, but treat food just like an alcoholic does alchohol.

Hope this helps.

[trishthedish]

wow mary, i answered yes to just about every question...

[maybell]

Thanks Mary.
Because of this board I am examining my own behavior more. I answered yes to more than three of those questions.
I tried to go online to a meeting but couldn't access it.
I am inspired by everyone here.

[MaryMary]

I tried the online meetings a few months ago and after some trial and error was finally able to connect. For me, it wasn't a good fit, because the scrolling was so fast, my eyes couldn't adjust and I felt dizzy. So I stick with the GSA phone bridge meetings and OA or GSA face to face meetings.

[childofnite]

Boy, did I miss this forum or what?!?

I am almost EXACTLY like Trish, but I have managed to keep a nicotine addiction in check for nearly 3 years now (July 25, 2001)

It's about time I dealt with food/carb addiction.

I answered yes to all of those questions... Of course I haven't relapsed, but every day is a struggle - even in Ketosis - because I know how bad it can get. Basically, I am living in fear.

I do have another issue. I am a self-proclaimed Agnostic, bordering on Atheist. I don't want to offend anyone's beliefs, but in my case I don't really know if there is a higher power, and I have to put my faith in *me*. I can't hand this addiction over to my higher power, because I don't believe I have one. I also don't want to be told I have to have one in order to rid myself of addiction. It's patently untrue, as I have already gotten smarter than one of them.

I think that is the crux of my issue with 12 stepping - if you don't believe in a higher power, you are shunned because so much of the program is wrapped up in belief in God.

Any thoughts? I know I deserve to be here because of my addiction, but am wary of people trying to convert me. I would also like to give OA or Greysheeters a try too, but only if they make this about addiction, and not about religion.

Thoughts?

Diana

[MaryMary]

Hi Diana,

Thanks for stopping by. The 12 step program is not about religion. The book that explains this is the big blue book of Alcoholics Anonymous. There is a whole chapter written to the Agnostic. You can find the book at most any AA, GSA or OA meeting. You probably can also find it in used book stores for a couple of bucks.

The first step is admitting that I have a problem with food and that my life has become unmanageable. That is as far as I went for a long time. I had tried just about every diet out there, and when I started overeating my low carb plan, I knew I needed a program that dealt with compulsive eating. I found many other areas of my life were unmanageable as well.

I have struggled with figuring out who or what I wanted my higher power to be. I finally settled on a Healing Process, the fact that it has worked for many thousands of people who have gone before me. If I felt so inclinced I could define a Higher Power to be anything I want it to be, with whatever qualities I want it to have. I have heard some call it their Super Ego as that intrinsic part of themselves that gives them power while the ordinary ego is that part of themselves that leads them to make choices that aren't healthy.

I know for myself I only need search for what will work for me. Best wishes in your search, your journey of what will work for you.

[Addie]

Does "HP" refer to Higher Power?

Thank you all for starting this board. It will probably take a little longer to catch on, but is well worth it.

[MaryMary]

"HP" is Higher Power in the 12 step vernacular.

[childofnite]

Thanks for explaining that to me, Mary. I will check into Greysheeters now that I know it's not all about religion.

And, if you don't mind, I would like to post from time to time as well.

Diana

[trishthedish]

hey child, nice to see you here i struggled with the higher power thing too, but i know i can work on things while i am figuring that one out. i know what you mean by 'living in fear'.... but by limiting my eating to 3 times a day, i feel a lot more in control. i dont have to be afraid because i already *know* that for today, i have planned 3 healthy meals and thats it. no worries. tomorrow i'll deal with tomorrow. this is a learning process so its ok not to feel like you know and have control of everything all at once (i struggle at times myself with this mindset). good luck and welcome aboard!
tricia

[loves2sing]

Hi, I'm Cindy, compulsive overeater.

Today is my second day of recommitted abstinence. I am very grateful to be back, after being in relapse since late last year.

In Northern California, we have HOW-OA, with a food plan similar to grey sheet... Three weighed and measured meals a day, with life in between.

What a relief not to be stuffing my face!

[LowCarbLisa]

To MaryMary or DivineM...
I'm reading the Greysheeters website, and I sent an email to one of the sponsors listed for my area.

I am already worrying, however, about what the "three measured meals" a day consist of....if you guys could give me some general idea that would be great....

I used to love structured diet menus but since I've been low-carbing at induction levels, I've become spoiled letting myself eat whatever and whenever, so long as my carbs and cals stay within a certain range.

I'm already worried that Greysheeters is not going to be enough food for me....I'm already worried that I'll get hungry between meals, or will miss having milk in my coffee too much to drink it black....
Also, is Greysheeters supposed to be for weight loss or just for learning not to overeat? Because I still want to lose 20 more pounds these next couple of months.....

I dont think most people realize just how much I am capable of eating.....

***edited to add: WHAT is "the tragedy of 4 oz" I just read about???? PLEASE tell me it isnt that I wont be able to eat more than 4 oz servings of food per meal??????

[LowCarbLisa]

Originally posted by divinem
SN-
Are you a member of SAA? I have a friend in LA who is a recovering member. I know you don't feel gratitude right now, but it will come in time as long as you keep working the program (assuming you're following one).

Oops! I only now noticed this message, divineM~
What is SAA? Sex Aholics Anonymous!?!??!
Umm...nope, Im definitely NOT a member. Just unlucky in love, I guess.
I'm waiting for my next Mr Right rather than calling old bfs for a roll down memory lane.
...so, I guess I've been waiting a long time, is all!!!

[MaryMary]

Serenity Now - Oddly enough, I feel like I am eating lots more food volume-wise than I did on Atkins. And this food plan does fit into the Less Than 20% Carbs Category. I am thoroughly enjoying proteins, vegetables, fruit and fats (butter, dressings) on a daily basis.

The breakdown is 1300-1600 calories a day, fluctuating based on my protein choices. It is 55-60% fat (15% or so saturated); 15-18% Total Carbs (25-25 grams of fiber); 25-30% of protein. But once I input this in the first week, I haven't put it in again. I don't count fats, carbs or proteins anymore. I just weigh and measure my food, three times a day.

I can't publish the food plan on here. When you reach a sponsor, they will give it to you. If you are interested in listening in on a phone bridge meeting, send me a PM and I can give you a phone number. You can find a sponsor on the phone bridge meeting. I call into these meetings as often as I need them. There are 3 to 4 a day and everyone is following the same plan. In my opinion, the disease of compulsive eating is with me forever, but by following a structured way of eating and working the 12 steps, the disease can be put in remission one day at a time. This plan works for undereaters, overeaters & bulimics.

I can tell you that my salads are beautifully colorful using as many of the vegetables described on the food plan. I am a simple cook. It works out best this way for me.

In the first week, I had to concentrate on telling myself "Don't eat no matter what." So, when I had the urge, I said a little prayer and drank water, tea, coffee or diet soda. There are days that are worse than others, but when I feel like I need something, if it isn't mealtime or on my plan, I drink water, etc.

I can have milk in my coffee or tea at my mealtime, but not between meals. If I do have milk in my beverage, it is a part of my protein allowance. Luckily for me, I am allergic to coffee, caffeine, nutrasweet, chocolate & milk, so that makes my choices much simpler - water or decaf tea.

If you try the food plan without a sponsor, it is just another diet. The sponsor is there to guide you and be a support for you. I needed to decide if I wanted this more than anything and was I willing to go to any lengths to achieve it? When I realized that I was, getting a sponsor and following her suggestions were easier. It was sort of a symbolic surrender of my will and I felt free-er than I have in a long time. I realized that there are two types of self-will. Self-will (wanting it my way or the highway) usually gets me into trouble and self-will that wants to be aligned with the will of my Higher Power (the more self-less version). Everyday I learn something new about myself. This is a great program and I feel blessed to have become aware.

[LowCarbLisa]

MaryMary,
Thank you for replying to my post.
Unfortunately, the sponsor that I emailed hasnt gotten back to me yet...I wonder why???
I can see myself doing this with a sponsor day to day as a one on one accountability thing, but I dont care too much for the format of 12 step meetings, so I cant see myself going to them...
The phone meetings they said are like $6 a call, with so many people on the line that would drive me crazy.
I guess I will just wait for this guy to get back to me.
Lisa