Bipolar?

[faithgirl]

Can someone tell me about Bipolar?

I am begining to think that I am bipolar. Not something I am thrilled about, and to be honest, I am trying to talk myself out of believing this. I have had severe depression with suicidal ideation since I was in my teens. No suicide attempts, but I have gone so far as to plan it. About 10 years ago I finally told my doctor about it and she put me on Zoloft-I immediataly became a different person-I felt like I was flying. I'd be at work and my mouth would just run and I'd say things that I normally wouldn't say. I couldn't sleep, I lost 11 pounds the first month without trying. I felt great to be honest. But eventually it stopped working and I was left with the insomnia and took another antidepressant to help me sleep. With that I gained 40 pounds in about six months. I later tried other antidepressants but went off of them becuase of the side effects.

Since then I have just muddled through with the depression. Last summer I started Weight Watchers and lost 27 pounds. I felt pretty good. Then suddenly I became depressed again and gained 22 of those pounds back in about 3 weeks or so. I fought to get back on track, but couldn't. A week before Easter I started Weight Watchers again and have lost 15.6 pounds and am feeling good. Suddenly I am not sleeping anymore, and to be honest i am not tired much becuase of it. I get 5-6 hours sleep a night, waking up earlier ad earlier every morning. My mind races and I can't go back to sleep. I exepect to be tired during the day, but I am not very tired at all. Then this past wednesday, I had my mouth running again at work, saying things I normally do not say. I kept thinking to myself, what is wrong with you? I was thinking this must be what it's like to be on speed. I was animated and moving around a lot and laughing a lot. I don't know what my co-workers must think. The next day I flew into a rage at work over something stupid. ALong with my depression I always have a lot of rage and anger.

I was thinking about it and I recognize this hyperactive stage along with the depression. I have done this several times in my life-and interestingly, at least three of those times it seemed to come on when I was losing weight. Why?

I have an appointment with the doctor on May 5th. (A different one than the one that prescribed the antidepressants). I am embarrassed to bring this up. I feel like I am making this all up to get attention. Does that make sense to anyone? What is wrong with me? How do I bring this up to him? How will he determine if I have it or not?

Did I also mention how obsessive I am? This is the 4th time I've edited this post.

[Houston Heather]

TELL HIM EVERYTHING.

Including, does your sex drive go through the roof, do you go off diet for no reason at all at the same time you spend a lot of money?

I have type 1 bipolar, the "worst" type. I also see and hear things that aren't there, and I can get paranoid and think things that aren't true. It wasn't easy to tell my doctor any of this, but all the said was "OK." and added another prescription.

You don't necessarily need the "new" medications, especially if insurance is a problem or you, like me, are uninsured. My Lithium (4 pills a day) costs about $50 a month without insurance. It works very well and on low-carb, I have virtually no side effects.

I get a little angry about diagnoses because as a child, my parents were told over and over that I was NOT bipolar. 20 years later, I am? WTH?

Tell the doctor everything, and if you're not happy with the doctor than find another one. Keep pushing until you find something that works for you.

You don't have to live this way.

[faithgirl]

Thanks Heather. I don't hear or see things, but I have a tendency to think I am making up symptoms to get attention, even though I have never told anyone anything about this. I think part of this comes from my family-if you express any weakness you would/will draw such ridcule. I mean, seriously, who would make this up? Lately I am thinking about sex all the time, and normally I don't think about it that much.

I was doing so well with WW last year and it kind of freaked me out that I could go from doing so well and then suddenly I was so depressed and eating everything in sight. I swear, it was like my desire to lose and follow my plan was just shut off one day. Nothing leading up to it, it was just shut off.

I do have insurance, so that isn't a problem. But I am terrified of the side effects of antidepressants and possibly bipolar meds. At 300 pounds, I cannot afford to gain anymore weight. I also cannot stand to feel doped up. Last year I had a period of what I would call normalcy-I was calm and happy. But that went away. I just want to be normal. Is that too much to ask?

[KOO]

Definitely print up your post and take it with you. Putting your thoughts down on paper for him to read might be easier than trying to remember everything you wanted to tell him. Good luck with that, I hope you get some relief soon.

[faithgirl]

I also meant to say, I have only seen this new doctor a couple of times, but I think he will be helpful. I have never met a doctor that was so concerned. My sister also started seeing him and she has some heart conditions and he told her to call him personally if she needed him. He said the office phone goes right to his cell phone after hours. Can you imagine that? I didn't think doctors did that anymore.

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by KOO

Definitely print up your post and take it with you. Putting your thoughts down on paper for him to read might be easier than trying to remember everything you wanted to tell him. Good luck with that, I hope you get some relief soon.

Thanks KOO. I should do that, but I don't know if I will. I still feel like I am just making this into more than it is and I feel guilty about it.

[KOO]

Originally Posted by faithgirl

Thanks KOO. I should do that, but I don't know if I will. I still feel like I am just making this into more than it is and I feel guilty about it.

Let the doctor determine that, that is what he is paid for and I am sure he knows his stuff. Better to be safe than sorry. He sounds like an excellent caring doctor, stick with him.

[faithgirl]

Thanks Koo. I wish the appontment were closer. I want to get this over and done with. But I can't take off any sooner.

[marissam]

If you aren't seeing a psychiatrist already, I'd encourage you to do so. My primary care physician gave me antidepressants for my bipolar depression but when I went to see a psychiatrist, he told me that that the antid's induced mania and that I needed a mood stabilizer.

"The not feeling like yourself" feeling may be you being on the wrong medication. I would encourage you to also visit the Furious Seasons site for education on antidepressants and other psych meds to learn about side effects and more.

For mood stabilizers, I'd avoid Seroquel and Zyprexa (mood stabilizers) as they contribute to massive weight gain. Should you choose to stick with antidepressants, I've learned that Effexor works quite well (I've been on it myself) but if you ever come off of it, the withdrawal effects are hell. Stay away from Paxil--there are lawsuits surrounding the terrible side effects from the med. I gained 50 lbs on Lexapro and Paxil.

Just do some research and go to the doctor with some questions and information on hand. I could go on and on but in summary, once you check out all the options on medication, you can go to the doctor better prepared to discuss what is likely to work for you.

[DolphinsOnMyMind777]

I am just marking my spot right now but this sound just like me and I am panicking right now and feel "strange".

[Houston Heather]

First of all, if you're really bipolar, you may have to suck up some side effects like "feeling doped up". It's a lot better than killing yourself, which happens to 11% of the people with this illness. Half of people with bipolar illness try to kill themselves, and 11% do it.

You're going to develop a new normal. You're at a nice steady mood. You still react to things, not a zombie, but you may be more tired. I am a lot more patient now, but most days I need a nap (remember mine is pretty severe and I have brain damage too).

This is all assuming you are bipolar. Weight gain is a real risk with the medication, depending on what you're given.

Again, sometimes you have to take the risk. All my medication is known to cause weight gain. Dr Atkins specifically mentions antidepressants, lithium, and my risperdal has a warning that it can cause diabetes and weight gain. Guess what? I'm losing weight on low-carb. I'm losing at about the rate I did before medication. My side effects are a lot better on low-carb, and I've got enough energy to start running and lifting weights.

Don't spend too much time freaking yourself out about what might happen if you get every side effect in the book, because you're bipolar, which may or may not be the case. I did the same thing myself.

Eventually, I said "I don't care if I puke all day and go up to 500 pounds, as long as I can feel like myself again!"

I had some zombie type effects going on the first couple weeks, but it did go away. DH went from wanting to check himself into a nursing home to being a happy husband again.

DO NOT EVER stop your medication without talking to your doctor. A lot of people act like bipolar is a cold, they took their pills, they're "better" now, and they can stop.

You can never stop. It's a lifetime committment. I have a far better life now.

[faithgirl]

Heather, that's so good to hear. All of it. Especially that you can still lose weight. I am glad you are getting what you need. It's hell not getting the help that you need.

I had a thought though. At least three times I have had what I might classify as a 'manic' phase right after losing some weight. But each of those 'diets' I went on involved eating a lot of processed, refined sugar, ie WW, and another diet plan was one of those plans where you eat what you want but only eat between hunger and fullness. And of course what I wanted to eat was sugar and junk food. I didn't get to this weight by wanting to eat fruit and vegetables, you know? Anyway, I am wondering if these 'manic' times, and I put that word in parentheses becuase that may not be what they are at all, were brought on by low blood sugar, since low blood sugar has an effect on your moods? Especially the hunger/fullness plan-I spent a lot of time going WITHOUT food so I could lose some weight, and subsisting on candy and pastries. Maybe the low blood suagr was triggering the 'mania'? Crazy, huh?

So I am wondering if the reason Atkins is helping you so much is becuase it has your blood sugars more stable? I have never been able to stick with Atkins in the past becuase it was so hard to break away from all the sugar. But I am thinking a diagnosis of bipolar may really help me to once an for all get myself on track. I mean, if controlling my blood sugar will help with these symptoms, or help the medication do it's job, then maybe it will be a boost in the right direction? Anyway, that's what I have going through my mind right now.

[faithgirl]

Thanks, Marrissam, I will check out the link you provided.

Jamie, I know what you are saying about freaking out about this. I was too, but I am starting to calm down some. I want to get better. I have some links for some online tests to determine if you may be bipolar if you want to take a look at them. I scored very high on them. Finding a solution has got to be less scary than trying to live with this thing and pretending everything is normal. I am hoping to find some eveness of my moods, and I hope that is possible. Part of me thinks it isn't. But wouldn't it be great if this was the answer to why I have never been able to stick with a weight loss plan? Maybe I have been fighting an impossble, up hill battle all these years? Maybe there is hope? Part of me doesn't even want to hope though.

[faithgirl]

Here's a link to a page with several tests for bipolar.

Bipolar Online Test For a Fast, Private, Profesional Result

Here's a link to a very brief discussion on a ketogenic diet and bipolar. It's an interesting thought. I haven't looked at any of the other links on this page.

Ketogenic Diet & Bipolar Disorder

[LoraJR72]

By the Grace of God I am not bi-polar as my mother was. Later she was diagnosed with manic depression and took Xanax, Zoloft, and a number of medications for many years, had tried to commit suicide twice. She eventually passed away from lung cancer four years ago and because of her disease did not seek help until she had a stroke but then it was too late.

I will say a prayer for you and hope you get the help you need. We are here for you.

[magickal1]

I have tried many meds and i didnt liek anyof em except lamictal its the only one that stabalizes me and personally no antidepressant ever worked for me, the one thing that does work for me is being in deep ketosis, I do stillmans and cycle into strict induction , so 10 days stillmans and 2 days atkins , it the only thing that has helped me I would go dayus not sleeping , I rapid cycle during the day winter being my worst time , but since I have reduced the carbs drastically im so much better and i dont need nothing to sleep no more which is a miracle in it self cuz i was taking the max on everything and nothing worked for me ......I wish u luck and hope u find ur path, 1 more thing I have always known i do better mentally on a low carb diet even befroe i was diagnosed , just knew CARBS were toxic to me in everyway it took me a very long time to find lamictal and I do great on it as long as im eating correctly I have found what works for me and u will too..carbs do crazy things to me and I know this so i try very hard not to forget it...

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by LoraJR72

By the Grace of God I am not bi-polar as my mother was. Later she was diagnosed with manic depression and took Xanax, Zoloft, and a number of medications for many years, had tried to commit suicide twice. She eventually passed away from lung cancer four years ago and because of her disease did not seek help until she had a stroke but then it was too late.

I will say a prayer for you and hope you get the help you need. We are here for you.

to you Lora on losing your mom. That is so hard. I am a Christian too, and I know God has helped me get through a lot. I also know I need some kind of stability here. It's hard tp pray and read your Bible when your mind won't let you have any peace, and I am really hoping getting some medication will help with that. I appreciate your prayers.

[faithgirl]

Originally Posted by magickal1

I have tried many meds and i didnt liek anyof em except lamictal its the only one that stabalizes me and personally no antidepressant ever worked for me, the one thing that does work for me is being in deep ketosis, I do stillmans and cycle into strict induction , so 10 days stillmans and 2 days atkins , it the only thing that has helped me I would go dayus not sleeping , I rapid cycle during the day winter being my worst time , but since I have reduced the carbs drastically im so much better and i dont need nothing to sleep no more which is a miracle in it self cuz i was taking the max on everything and nothing worked for me ......I wish u luck and hope u find ur path, 1 more thing I have always known i do better mentally on a low carb diet even befroe i was diagnosed , just knew CARBS were toxic to me in everyway it took me a very long time to find lamictal and I do great on it as long as im eating correctly I have found what works for me and u will too..carbs do crazy things to me and I know this so i try very hard not to forget it...

Wow, you have done so well with weight loss! I hope I can do the same. I really think there is something to the blood sugar swings and being able to get better. With WW, I have had some pretty significant low blood sugar. Maybe this latest bout will prove to be the thing I need to finally get the answers I have been looking for. Maybe I will finally be able to feel better and get the weight off.

[magickal1]

faithgirl - yes ty I have lost quite a bit but im still so far away from where i wanna be, but i am determined to achieve my goals......deep ketosis is great for my mental and body. Y ou will find what works for u ....

[lowcarbkiwi]

My father is bipolar and it has been a tough road for him. All I can say is stick with the medications. I totally agree with the poster earlier that you can't treat it as a cold and go off your meds. My dad did that all the time and we were on one big rollercoaster. You have a long road ahead and I hope you get the help that you need. Hopefully life gets a little smoother for you once you see the dr on the 5th of may. Print off your posts and take it to your doctor. I think the meds although they may have weightgain as a side effect may not be as bad as the constant yoyoing you are experiencing at the moment. Maybe having a more calm environment will help your weightloss efforts. Thanks to all the posters who have bipolar. As an outsider looking in I must say I haven't been the most sympathetic to my father. Some of his actions have burnt many bridges. Your posts actually have given me a little more compassion to what he goes thru everyday.

[Houston Heather]

We can be impossible to love. I'm amazed I'm still married.

Sugar is truly evil. Before I re-inducted, when I was depressed or manic sugar and high-glycemic carbs really seemed to amplify my mood. Not a good thing.

I'm convinced that normalizing my blood sugar (Risperdal did make me more hypoglycemic) has helped a lot, plus my brain just seems to love a high-fat diet.

Off I go to make some bacon and eggs for dinner.

[faithgirl]

I am feeling panicky today. I don't want to talk to my doctor about this. I don't want to talk to anyone about this, except you guys. I slept really well last night and was tired today, so I think I am completely off of being 'up'. Now I feel silly. Like I am overeacting. I'm still keeping the appointment though.

[Houston Heather]

I never told my doctors everything, and suffered for years. It came very close to costing my marriage more than once, too.

It's your choice, but I will never have to suffer the way I used to, thanks to my medication. I know what kind of day I'll have before I even wake up. I can't put a price on that.

[faithgirl]

Okay, so I sucked it up and went to my appointment this morning. I told him what was going on and he said I was describing classic mania, but he was not going to just label me that and prescribe those kinds of meds right off. He gave me Cymbalta and I go back in two weeks. I am glad he is being cautious about this. I feel like he is not going to just jump to conclusions and prescribe whatever is most popular for treating bipolar. He did say that I was to call him immediately if I had any manias on this medication and I did forget to tell him that I had a mania once before on an antidepressant! Duh! Hopefully this will be a good fit. I really appreciate everyone’s support in this.

Jamie, did you take a look at the links I put up earlier? Have you made an appointment with your doctor?

[Houston Heather]

Hope it works well for you.